My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
