I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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