My sheets look like a crime scene.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
