I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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