You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sobbing to NWA
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
