ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
