She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize