It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
