i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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