im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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