I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
