with your own penis?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
