I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My life is pants optional.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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