That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
