it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
