His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
