Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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