In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
