so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
