Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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