so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
