Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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