Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
