A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
handjob tips. give me some.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
