I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
