Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We are all done wearing pants today
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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