I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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