I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
