I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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