on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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