I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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