Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
