I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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