I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
