I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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