I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
