I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
