I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Be still, my beating vagina.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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