just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize