I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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