We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
