seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
