I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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