If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
