I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize