The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
