Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
this boner is exhausting
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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