They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
