Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
