I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
