im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
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I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
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Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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