My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
