There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
